


Malec one shot

by CROWLEYBEANS



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5089109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CROWLEYBEANS/pseuds/CROWLEYBEANS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec reads the notebook on Magnus' life.<br/>Set after CoHF</p>
            </blockquote>





	Malec one shot

Alec tried and failed to hold back his tears as he lay on the couch, reading the letter of which Magnus had placed so much of his time and energy into- all to ensure that Alec forgave him after their previous breakup. Chairman was lying haphazardly across his lap and Magnus was out helping some poor family who had an unfortunate run in with a Behemoth demon.  
Chairman timidly licked Alec’s hand which had been previously stroking his soft fur, and Alec briefly turned his attention from the notebook to the tiny cat snuggled on top of him. Alec smiled despite his teary demeanor, softly stroking the cats back. It had only recently struck Alec why he cared for Chairman so much- because he reminded him of Magnus. Apart from the obvious cat eyes, it was something in his personality that reminded Alec so much of his boyfriend.  
Perhaps it was the way he would dramatically sulk and waltz away if Alec accidentally upset him, or the way he would always come straight back to Alec and snuggle with him after he apologized. Or maybe it was the way he would always come and lie with him if he sensed Alec was tired or sad. Alec wasn’t completely sure what it was.  
He turned his attention back to the small notebook in his hand. Reading about Magnus’ childhood was heartbreaking, and he actually had to read that part a few times to make sure he read it correctly because it was so horrific. He was still on the first part, despite the fact he had been reading for over an hour. He wanted to make sure everything sank in because he knew how hard it had been for Magnus to write about his life- no matter how much he denied it. More tears slipped down his cheeks as he read the first part once again.  
Dear Alec,   
I am deeply hoping that by writing about my life within this notebook, that you will find it in your heart to forgive me for my wrongdoing. As you probably already know, it was extremely difficult for me to write this, and much of it required the help of my friend Catarina. I am just hoping that by reading this you will be able to understand how important you are to me, and that you are one of the only people on this earth that I have trusted wholeheartedly, and the only one who I am comfortable sharing all of this information with- even Catarina isn’t aware of most of it. Anyway, I’m rambling, let’s get to it.  
I was born around 400 years ago and I was raised on a farm in the deepest parts of Indonesia with my mother and her husband. I can’t remember much about either of them. But I can remember that my mother was an extremely beautiful and caring woman, and my stepfather was of a similar nature. There was nothing unusual about me when I was born, except perhaps my unusual amber eyes- but this was nothing of concern at the time. People just thought of them a unique aspect. I remember feeling loved as they raised me (if they did in fact love me or not, I am unsure of). But as far as I know, they cared for me.   
Then, on my 10th birthday, I developed my warlock mark. I don’t remember much of that day, I think my mind must have simply blocked it out. But I can remember a lot of shouting from my mother and stepfather, though I am unsure whether they were shouting at me or each other. I remember sitting in the corner of the kitchen with my hands over my ears, wishing to simply disappear. I also remember a lot of crying from my mother, she was terrified. My own mother was terrified of her son, very few people have any idea what that feels like. I felt like I was disgusting, inhuman. My father (who you have already had the greatest pleasure of meeting) came to them that evening and told them I was in fact his son. I can’t imagine how my parents must have felt at that moment- finding out their son is actually the spawn of a Prince of Hell. All I can remember is more shouting and crying. I can remember lying in bed that night crying, hating myself more than I have ever hated anything in my entire life, even now. I hated myself for what I was, and the pain I had caused my parents and everyone who knew me. I wanted to die-I was 10 years old, and I wanted to die. I must have fallen asleep eventually because I can remember the agonizing scream of stepfather waking me up as it echoed throughout the night. I remember following the sound of the scream, eventually leading me to the barn outside the house.  
I will never forget what I saw in that moment. It was something so terrible, so heartbreaking, that even after 400 years I can remember it perfectly. My mother was hanging from the roof of the barn, her face abnormally pale. I wasn’t completely sure what that meant at the time because I was so young. But I knew one thing for sure- my mother was gone, and it was all my fault. My stepfather was on his knees under her lifeless body, sobbing into his hands. That was the moment it sunk in that I was in fact the child of a demon. Without meaning to, I had simultaneously destroyed the lives of the only two people in the world who cared about me. All they did was love me, and this is what they got in return. I can’t remember how long I stood there- hours, minutes, it was all a blur. But the next thing I was aware of was being kicked to the floor by my stepfather whilst he spat words in my face- disgusting, vile, worthless. I was sobbing as he beat me, but then he abruptly stopped, and I thought it was over. I wish I knew how wrong I was. I can remember him yanking me up by my hair and dragging me outside to a little river that ran through the farm. He held me under the water whilst I struggled. But after a little while I just stopped struggling- what was the point in living when I would have no one? I would only end up hurting more people if I lived, so why not just give up? But before I knew what was happening, my stepfather let go.  
I resurfaced just in time to see him burning from head to toe. Can you imagine how that felt? I had wanted to die because I knew I would end up hurting more people, and now I had just killed my stepfather, without even meaning to. I just remember sitting on the river bank, crying for hours and hours until some churchmen came and took me in. But that’s a whole other story which I will write about later in this notebook. So there you are, Alexander- a first hand account of my childhood. If you are upset, just know that it gets better from here on out. I wish I could have started this book on a lighter note, but I wanted you to read this first so maybe you can understand the difficulty I felt in writing this, and perhaps the knowledge of this will aid you in your forgiveness. I love you, Alexander Lightwood, and I need you to know that.  
Even after reading it for at least the 3rd time, Alec still couldn’t wrap his head around it. How could someone do something like that to Magnus? Sweet, caring, beautiful Magnus who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Alec had no idea how awful Magnus’ past and childhood was- and now he felt kind of bad for practically forcing Magnus to share it with him. On the other hand, he was extremely grateful and proud of his boyfriend for being able to tell him about this. Alec wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and was about to finally move on to the next part, when the sound of the door opening made him lift his head.  
Magnus walked in, his tired face lighting up as he noticed Alec and Chairman on the couch. Alec stared at him, pretty sure he had never felt more respect towards the man in front of him than this moment. Magnus smiled at him, his love for the man on the couch shining through his entire demeanor.   
“You will never believe how ungrateful that silly family was! Didn’t even-” Magnus began after he had placed his keys in the bowl next to the door. Alec didn’t say anything, just stood up quickly, placing Chairman and the notebook on the floor as he rushed over to Magnus, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck and placing his head on his boyfriends shoulder. Magnus stopped talking, but wrapped his arms tightly around Alec’s waist despite his confusion. Magnus smiled and rested his head on Alec’s other shoulder, reveling in the much needed warmth and contact from his boyfriend.   
“I love you. I love you so much. I don’t say it enough, but I really do.” Alec said, turning his head to gently press his lips to the side of Magnus’ neck. Magnus closed his eyes, pressing his face into the side of Alec’s neck and squeezing his body tighter. “And I love you, my sweet Alexander,” he whispered into Alec’s ear. “Are you alright?” Magnus spoke gently into Alec’s neck, confused about Alec’s sudden need for affection. Alec nodded, once again kissing the side of Magnus’ neck. Magnus lifted his head, but placed his chin on on Alec’s shoulder as he continued to hold his boyfriend. That was when Magnus noticed the notebook on the floor beside the couch. “Ah, so you’ve begun reading the notebook?” Magnus said quietly, finally understanding Alec’s abrupt change in mood. Don’t get him wrong, Magnus loved Alec’s hugs more than anything in the world, except perhaps Alec himself. It was just that sometimes Alec’s hugs were always very desperate whenever either one of them was upset, and this once concerned Magnus because he didn’t know why Alec was upset- but now he did. Alec held him tighter to his body, before leaning back and resting his forehead against Magnus’. Alec opened those beautiful blue eyes, staring into Magnus’ golden ones with more love than Magnus had ever seen from anyone.   
Magnus raised his hand and placed it on the side of Alec’s face, rubbing his thumb gently over his cheek. “Magnus, what happened to you was terrible, I’m sorry for forcing you to share it with me, but I just want to thank you for trusting me with it. None of that was your fault, you can’t help the way you were born. Most would have probably turned to the dark side if something like that happened. But you didn’t, Magnus. That’s what matters- you’re the most caring person i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I love you so much.” Alec said shyly, a small blush creeping over his cheeks. God, Magnus thought, he’s so perfect. He moved his hands briefly away from Alec’s waist to wipe the tear that had begun to slip down his own cheek from his boyfriends words, but Alec beat him to it- gently wiping his thumb across his cheek and kissing away the tear. “You didn’t force me to do anything, Alec. I wanted to share it with you. I’ve kept it all inside for so long and I wanted to tell only you, no one else, so that you can understand that even after 400 years of living, I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. You’re the only one I want.” Magnus said, leaning forward and pressing his lips gently against Alec’s. No matter how many kisses they have shared, every single one seems to get better. Alec moved his lips gently against Magnus, bringing one of his hands to rest against Magnus’ hand that was currently placed on the side of Alec’s face. He moved his other hand down to Magnus’ one that was still wrapped around Alec’s waist, and intertwined their fingers delicately. It was in that moment that Magnus realized- no matter how many loves he has had in the past, and no matter how many more he will have in the future. None have ever, and will never measure up to him. It will always be Alexander Lightwood.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I obviously do not own Cassandra Clare or any of her amazing books and characters! (as much as I would like to)


End file.
